I dont know anyone who has made it and has done it alone. Its so much harder if you are part of an underrepresented group, and we need to spend more time shouting out the people who are helping us.

Ive been particularly lucky to have a lot of incredible friends and mentors, and this year, I want to take time once a month to deeply and thoughtfully tell you why a dozen of them are absolutely incredible human beings who deserve all the amazing things on Earth and should be hired, paid, celebrated, and quoted all over the world.

I could write every day about incredible women in my life, so Im challenging myself to write about women I only met through the ChairmanMe community and building CM. In January, I wrote about glittery buzzsaw Joanna Bloor.

Today, as an end-of-February/beginning-of-March treat, I want to write about Femily.

If you dont know Femily, check out all of the incredible things she does here. I got to know her because she joined what was then called Chairman Mom, even though she is proudly childless and fancy free. She has always brought incredible people into the community and into my world. (Ill probably write about a few in future months.)

Femily is a tireless advocate for intersectionality and dragging Silicon Valley there kicking and screaming at times. A lot of people are doing that incredible, and at many times, thankless work.

Heres what I have been so inspired by when it comes to the way she does it, the way she shows up in our community, and the way shes shown up for me.

She manages to hold people to a high standard without shaming them.

Shes a white woman, and shes excellent at leveraging her privilege on behalf of others, resisting and calling out the traps of white women feminism, and making space, uplifting, and stepping back to make room for more diverse voices. Its hard to balance those, and Ive learned a lot from watching her do it.

I am so inspired by how she has built her brand and her career. Shes branded herself as Silicon Valleys Gender Equity Advisor and repeats it, not waiting on someone to bestow a tagline on her.

She pays forward what she has learned, never hoarding it. Her course on How to Get Clients is excellent. Ive taken it, and it helped me dramatically. Another person might see her course as competitive with what we offer. She doesnt. She regularly recommends our work and has been a customer of several courses herself. Shes also used the relationships built in our community to build her business and get more customers in an authentic, generous way.

Ive asked her to appear on unpaid Zooms promoting courses we do, and shes always been eager to help when she can. (Shes also amazing at expressing boundaries in a way that doesnt offend when she cant.) Not because shes a selfless doormat, but she knows more abundance and generosity yields more money and success for everyone.

If confidently making money had a baby with intersectional feminism, it would be this. YES, we can talk the talk and walk the walk of intersectionality, and YES, we can also be in those spaces where we promote our own work and make money helping push that cause too.

I am so frustrated by feminist Facebook groups and communities that tell women not to promote themselves or their work. How on Earth is that feminist? Part of the belief that we are equal is we need to get paid equally. Why are we making it harder? There is no male-run space on the planet that tells other men not to promote themselves, do deals, or make money together. Its an extra tax we put on ourselves for reasons I cannot imagine.

Femily is my absolute soul sister on this one. Ive been in her spaces and found customers, and shes been in mine and found customers, and in fact, if you are reading this and are starting a consultant business or need a gender equity advisor, PLEASE GO HIRE HER RIGHT NOW.

Femily is one of those women I cannot wait to have a yacht next door to one day, because we promoted each other and didnt sabotage each other, even if others could have seen us as competitive. Its give and take. Neither of us try to ruthlessly exploit the other. Its like sustainable foraging of opportunities for and from one another.

Its not martyrdom, nor is it ruled by greed.

We have all had the opposite of this experience, and sometimes society has twisted us to a point where we are that woman sabotaging another one. To have someone in my life who is such a shining example of constantly lifting up other folks while also promoting herself is so endlessly inspiring. Shes helped me make money and helped make my communities so much better, so OF COURSE I want to do the same for her. This is how men get ahead, yall. And its so remarkable Im writing a whole post about one person in my life doing it.

Shes the allys ally.

Its recently occurred to me that every single course we teach, every toolkit weve got for you that will substantially change your career and life, has two superpowers at its core: Story and collaboration.

Weve written more about the first one than the second. As a career writer, I got the first one. I am only now really understanding the awesome power of the second one.

It started with learning about Kathryn Valentines work on the absolutely magical power of collaborative negotiation and the communal ask. Then, as I was recently reading Mastering the Complex Sale, I started to freak out over the core of that method also being collaboration. And then, as I rewatched my How to Be Self-Promotional course that I created with Joanna, I realized her generous version of promotion is really also about collaboration.

And as I marvel about this incredibly rare lets build empires with one another the way men do aspect of Femily, I realize that too is all about collaboration. Its about stepping out of the artificial competition someone has put you up against and instead finding the way you can both win, without one overly exploiting the other.

Im so grateful she joined a community with mom in the name and took a chance on us. Im so grateful for all the ways shes shown up for me and for so many others. Im so grateful I took her course on how to get customers. Im just so grateful shes there in the world, living the truth that white women dont have to be terrible feminists, while also not pretending that isnt a thing.

Im in awe of her. Thanks, Femily, for being you and for being part of THIS.

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