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Small Talk: How to Break the Ice and Build Meaningful Relationships

Sharing a Letter from our Chairman & CEO

Shari's Berries

Sent on 07 April 2024 02:04 PM

What is the secret to a happy and fulfilling life? Studies show the key is maximizing the number of relationships we have with other people. And how do you do that? Its simple: You make friends with as many people as possible.

But simple isnt the same as easy, especially if youre shy or introverted. When you go to parties or other events, you might feel lost or even invisible. Its not just awkward but also intimidating, especially if you notice that everyone else seems to be having a good time.

I speak from experience. As a young man, I was introverted. If you know me nowadays, that may be hard to believe, but I remember that gut-wrenching awkwardness at school dances when it seemed like everyone else knew exactly what to do and what to say.

Breaking the ice

It may be called small talk, but it has a big impact on relationships. Those light introductory chats serve as the initial bridge that connects people and paves the way for deeper conversations. Whether its the start of a new friendship, a budding romance, or a professional connection, small talk is the social lubricant. It helps people get to know each other on a surface level, establishing common ground, and building rapport.

Ive found the easiest way to get started is to simply introduce yourself and ask a question: "Where are you from?" or "How did you end up at this event?" or "Have you watched anything interesting on TV lately?" The aim is to get the other person talking and ease any initial tension. They may not be chatting with anyone for the same reason you arent.

Prepare yourself with potential follow-up questions based on the conversation's direction. For instance, if you start with a question related to location, you could inquire about their experiences living there or their travel history.

Most importantly, don't let the fear of rejection hold you back. Taking the initiative to say hello often leads to positive interactions and a sense of inclusion in social gatherings.

The art of small talk

As the founder and CEO of a nationwide company, I meet new people from all walks of life regularly and after 48 years in this position, I like to think Im finally close to overcoming my shyness. Ive come to understand that every relationship is a potential asset, and every conversation is an investment.

I also enjoy sharing what Ive learned with other people. Its one of the reasons I started Celebrations Chatter, a podcast that celebrated its 100th episode this past week. As regular listeners know, small talk is always a part of the conversation and sometimes the main topic.

For instance, I spoke with New York Times columnist David Brooks. His recent book, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being DeeplySeen, offers insights into how different people express themselves and the impact of that communication on relationships.

Hes identified two types of people. Diminishers are those who are not curious about you. They dont ask questions and make you feel small and unseen. Illuminators, on the other hand, ask questions, understand your point of view, and make you feel respected.

If youve mastered the art of small talk, then youve become an illuminator. Youre asking questions and showing empathy for the other person. Youve set the stage for a deeper relationship. Ill never forget Davids description:

Most of the book is about how great it feels when somebody sees you. I have spent four years asking people to tell me about a time when they felt seen and understood. And peoples eyes started to glow when they began to tell me about episodes in their lives when somebody took the time to really get to know them.

Playing the host

I admit that I still feel shy at times, especially at large gatherings. Ive found it helpful to give myself a job at such events: Even when Im a guest, I play the role of host, ensuring that everyone feels welcome.

At a recent Worth Media climate conference, for instance, we had 250 people at a speakers event. I took it upon myself to find people who werent talking to other people, spark up a conversation, and connect them with other people in the room.

Ive come to love playing the role of host even if it makes me look like a whirling dervish. My wife, Marylou, jokes that as soon as I enter a room, I make a B-line tosomeone standing alone, or against the wall.

Ive counseled my children and teams to do the same. I remind them that when you're at an event and busy trying to make sure everyone else has a good time, youll forget about being shy.

All the best,

Jim

Big tips for small talk

As a businessperson, a big part of my job is to be an illuminator. Everyone has a story to tell, and I find that fascinating.

Id like to offer you some of my own tips about being an illuminator to help you the next time you find yourself at an event and wondering what to do. The tips arent all-encompassing. Theyre more of a menu to choose from given the circumstances of the situation.

Hopefully they will help you overcome any shyness and allow the person you are talking to feel like the cleverest person in the room.

Smile
It might seem obvious, but when you enter a room, theres nothing more welcoming than a big smile. The next time youre in a room, watch someone enter. Youll notice how much a smile helps you form an immediate positive impression.

Find a wallflower
We have all been a wallflower at one time or another. If you keep that in mind when you see someone by themselves, go over to them and make them feel noticed.

Look people in the eye
Weve all talked to someone who, rather than engaging us, is more concerned about looking around the room or holding onto their phone a form of fear of missing out (FOMO). When you are speaking to someone, look the person in the eye and speak to them as if theyre the only person in the room.

Find a commonality
The easiest way to do that is to ask the person what brings them to the event. They might say, Im friends with the hosts. Then you might ask them how they know the hosts, and you can start a dialogue about your mutual relationships with them.

Its not about the weather
Unless theres a hurricane or a blizzard on the horizon, talking about the weather is too pedestrian. Its better to ask something or comment on something that has to do with them, which makes it more personal.

Dive In
If they open themselves up to where theyre from, for example, then ask them to be more specific: Youre from Long Island, Jim, what part? How long have you lived there? How far away are you from New York City? In other words, use the opening they give you to dive in for more.

The handoff
This is my favorite part because its a form of networking, and I love to connect people. After youve had an initial conversation, ask them if they know anyone else at the party. If they say no, its your opportunity to introduce them to someone you know. And it just might be an opportunity for them to make a new friend.

One hundred episodes flew by fast!

We started Celebrations Chatter to have conversations about relationships, expression, and community all great topics for small talk, by the way but the show has grown into something much bigger than that.

This week, we are celebrating a major milestone by highlighting some of our favorite moments from the series 100-episode run. This special show is a behind-the-scenes look at the podcasts creation and mission, as well as some stories from the journey. It features clips from interviews with guests like Kerry Washington, David Brooks, Andrew Yang, and so many more insightful and impactful people.

I also handed over the hosting seat to frequent guest and friend, Dr. George Everly. George interviews me to get to the heart of what the podcast is all about, as well as to share why certain moments throughout the shows stood out to me and to our listeners.

Who has been your favorite guest on Celebrations Chatter and who would you like to join us in the future? Send your ideas to to let me know.

National Siblings Day is Wednesday

Brothers and sisters have a unique relationship from the day they are born. Older siblings teach younger ones how to interact with parents and, over time, the wider world. Younger siblings help their older brothers and sisters how to share, negotiate, and help make the family work together.

All siblings learn from each other, and many become lifelong friends.

This Wednesday (April 10) is National Siblings Day. Ill mark the occasion by thanking Kevin, Julie, Peggy, and Chris for all their inspiration and hard work over the years. I am lucky to have so many siblings who rolled up their sleeves and helped make this company what it is today.

The occasion is also an opportunity to acknowledge the brothers and sisters who arent our own but still play a role in our lives. Across 1-800-Flowers.com, for instance, were celebrating Harry and David Holmes, the brothers who founded one of our largest brands, Harry & David, 90 years ago.

Their entrepreneurial voyage began when their father, Samuel Rosenberg, acquired 240 acres of farmland in the Rogue Valley of Southern Oregon. Both Harry and David pursued agricultural studies at Cornell University, and they utilized their expertise and passion for agricultural cultivation, nurturing those orchards, and yielding the remarkable and much celebrated Royal Riviera Pear that has stood the test of time.

As part of the year-long celebration, were introducing modern-day illustrations of Harry and David that capture all the character, personality, and charm we knew the brothers to possess.

Harry is the natty dresser who talks about practical things with customers. Hes matter of fact and business-focused but always approachable and friendly. David is jovial, a big fan of parties, snack food, and everything sweet. Youll often find him in Harry & Davids orchards plotting marketing campaigns or at his desk writing letters to customers because he knows the importance of maintaining and strengthening relationships.

Youll see a lot more of both Harry and David in the weeks and months to come. I cant wait for you to get to know them better!

A company you can trust

I am honored to share that 1-800-Flowers.com has been recognized as one of the Most Trustworthy Companies in America by Newsweek for 2024.

This remarkable achievement underscores our commitment to fostering a genuine customer community and reflects the dedication, integrity, and hard work of every employee.

I am so proud of them for inspiring our community of customers to give more, connect more, and build more and better relationships.

Trusting a company matters, and I look forward to continuing to build on this momentum with the entire family of brands. Together, we will remain focused on inspiring our community and reinforcing the trust you have placed with us.

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Sharing a Letter from our Chairman & CEO

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But simple isnt the same as easy, especially if youre shy or introverted. When you go to parties or other events, you might feel lost or even invisible. Its not just awkward but also intimidating, especially if you notice that everyone else seems to be having a good time.

I speak from experience. As a young man, I was introverted. If you know me nowadays, that may be hard to believe, but I remember that gut-wrenching awkwardness at school dances when it seemed like everyone else knew exactly what to do and what to say.

As I got older, an early job as a bartender helped me break out of my shell. In that role, your ability to start and hold a conversation is just as important as knowing how to mix drinks. This experience taught me the value of small talk.

Breaking the ice

It may be called small talk, but it has a big impact on relationships. Those light introductory chats serve as the initial bridge that connects people and paves the way for deeper conversations. Whether its the start of a new friendship, a budding romance, or a professional connection, small talk is the social lubricant. It helps people get to know each other on a surface level, establishing common ground, and building rapport.

Ive found the easiest way to get started is to simply introduce yourself and ask a question: "Where are you from?" or "How did you end up at this event?" or "Have you watched anything interesting on TV lately?" The aim is to get the other person talking and ease any initial tension. They may not be chatting with anyone for the same reason you arent.

Prepare yourself with potential follow-up questions based on the conversation's direction. For instance, if you start with a question related to location, you could inquire about their experiences living there or their travel history.

Most importantly, don't let the fear of rejection hold you back. Taking the initiative to say hello often leads to positive interactions and a sense of inclusion in social gatherings.

The art of small talk

As the founder and CEO of a nationwide company, I meet new people from all walks of life regularly and after 48 years in this position, I like to think Im finally close to overcoming my shyness. Ive come to understand that every relationship is a potential asset, and every conversation is an investment.

I also enjoy sharing what Ive learned with other people. Its one of the reasons I started Celebrations Chatter, a podcast that celebrated its 100th episode this past week. As regular listeners know, small talk is always a part of the conversation and sometimes the main topic.

For instance, I spoke with New York Times columnist David Brooks. His recent book, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being DeeplySeen, offers insights into how different people express themselves and the impact of that communication on relationships.

Hes identified two types of people. Diminishers are those who are not curious about you. They dont ask questions and make you feel small and unseen. Illuminators, on the other hand, ask questions, understand your point of view, and make you feel respected.

If youve mastered the art of small talk, then youve become an illuminator. Youre asking questions and showing empathy for the other person. Youve set the stage for a deeper relationship. Ill never forget Davids description:

Most of the book is about how great it feels when somebody sees you. I have spent four years asking people to tell me about a time when they felt seen and understood. And peoples eyes started to glow when they began to tell me about episodes in their lives when somebody took the time to really get to know them.

Playing the host

I admit that I still feel shy at times, especially at large gatherings. Ive found it helpful to give myself a job at such events: Even when Im a guest, I play the role of host, ensuring that everyone feels welcome.

At a recent Worth Media climate conference, for instance, we had 250 people at a speakers event. I took it upon myself to find people who werent talking to other people, spark up a conversation, and connect them with other people in the room.

Ive come to love playing the role of host even if it makes me look like a whirling dervish. My wife, Marylou, jokes that as soon as I enter a room, I make a B-line tosomeone standing alone, or against the wall.

Ive counseled my children and teams to do the same. I remind them that when you're at an event and busy trying to make sure everyone else has a good time, youll forget about being shy.

All the best,

Jim

Chris

Big tips for small talk

As a businessperson, a big part of my job is to be an illuminator. Everyone has a story to tell, and I find that fascinating.

Id like to offer you some of my own tips about being an illuminator to help you the next time you find yourself at an event and wondering what to do. The tips arent all-encompassing. Theyre more of a menu to choose from given the circumstances of the situation.

Hopefully they will help you overcome any shyness and allow the person you are talking to feel like the cleverest person in the room.

SmileIt might seem obvious, but when you enter a room, theres nothing more welcoming than a big smile. The next time youre in a room, watch someone enter. Youll notice how much a smile helps you form an immediate positive impression.

Find a wallflowerWe have all been a wallflower at one time or another. If you keep that in mind when you see someone by themselves, go over to them and make them feel noticed.

Look people in the eyeWeve all talked to someone who, rather than engaging us, is more concerned about looking around the room or holding onto their phone a form of fear of missing out (FOMO). When you are speaking to someone, look the person in the eye and speak to them as if theyre the only person in the room.

Find a commonalityThe easiest way to do that is to ask the person what brings them to the event. They might say, Im friends with the hosts. Then you might ask them how they know the hosts, and you can start a dialogue about your mutual relationships with them.

Its not about the weatherUnless theres a hurricane or a blizzard on the horizon, talking about the weather is too pedestrian. Its better to ask something or comment on something that has to do with them, which makes it more personal.

Dive InIf they open themselves up to where theyre from, for example, then ask them to be more specific: Youre from Long Island, Jim, what part? How long have you lived there? How far away are you from New York City? In other words, use the opening they give you to dive in for more.

The handoffThis is my favorite part because its a form of networking, and I love to connect people. After youve had an initial conversation, ask them if they know anyone else at the party. If they say no, its your opportunity to introduce them to someone you know. And it just might be an opportunity for them to make a new friend.

Shop 1-800-Flowers.com

One hundred episodes flew by fast!

We started Celebrations Chatter to have conversations about relationships, expression, and community all great topics for small talk, by the way but the show has grown into something much bigger than that.

This week, we are celebrating a major milestone by highlighting some of our favorite moments from the series 100-episode run. This special show is a behind-the-scenes look at the podcasts creation and mission, as well as some stories from the journey. It features clips from interviews with guests like Kerry Washington, David Brooks, Andrew Yang, and so many more insightful and impactful people.

I also handed over the hosting seat to frequent guest and friend, Dr. George Everly. George interviews me to get to the heart of what the podcast is all about, as well as to share why certain moments throughout the shows stood out to me and to our listeners.

Who has been your favorite guest on Celebrations Chatter and who would you like to join us in the future? Send your ideas to to let me know.

National Siblings Day is Wednesday

Brothers and sisters have a unique relationship from the day they are born. Older siblings teach younger ones how to interact with parents and, over time, the wider world. Younger siblings help their older brothers and sisters how to share, negotiate, and help make the family work together.

All siblings learn from each other, and many become lifelong friends.

This Wednesday (April 10) is National Siblings Day. Ill mark the occasion by thanking Kevin, Julie, Peggy, and Chris for all their inspiration and hard work over the years. I am lucky to have so many siblings who rolled up their sleeves and helped make this company what it is today.

The occasion is also an opportunity to acknowledge the brothers and sisters who arent our own but still play a role in our lives. Across 1-800-Flowers.com, for instance, were celebrating Harry and David Holmes, the brothers who founded one of our largest brands, Harry & David, 90 years ago.

Their entrepreneurial voyage began when their father, Samuel Rosenberg, acquired 240 acres of farmland in the Rogue Valley of Southern Oregon. Both Harry and David pursued agricultural studies at Cornell University, and they utilized their expertise and passion for agricultural cultivation, nurturing those orchards, and yielding the remarkable and much celebrated Royal Riviera Pear that has stood the test of time.

As part of the year-long celebration, were introducing modern-day illustrations of Harry and David that capture all the character, personality, and charm we knew the brothers to possess.

Harry is the natty dresser who talks about practical things with customers. Hes matter of fact and business-focused but always approachable and friendly. David is jovial, a big fan of parties, snack food, and everything sweet. Youll often find him in Harry & Davids orchards plotting marketing campaigns or at his desk writing letters to customers because he knows the importance of maintaining and strengthening relationships.

Youll see a lot more of both Harry and David in the weeks and months to come. I cant wait for you to get to know them better!

A company you can trust

I am honored to share that 1-800-Flowers.com has been recognized as one of the Most Trustworthy Companies in America by Newsweek for 2024.

This remarkable achievement underscores our commitment to fostering a genuine customer community and reflects the dedication, integrity, and hard work of every employee.

I am so proud of them for inspiring our community of customers to give more, connect more, and build more and better relationships.

Trusting a company matters, and I look forward to continuing to build on this momentum with the entire family of brands. Together, we will remain focused on inspiring our community and reinforcing the trust you have placed with us.

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