The Dispatch. Issue 11: Spicy

Your weekly curation of facts, fiction, and curious conundrums.

Is it just me, or is it a little hot in here?

The summer months are well and truly upon us, friends. I hope you find yourself comfortably shaded and well-hydrated. Im reminded of the distinct lack of both during a previous expedition to Cairo. Still, once inside the tomb itself, I had more etaidebmmi unpleasantries to contend with.

Despite the world seemingly inching closer to an altogether more terrestrial apocalypse, take heart, dear reudaer. Certainly, the oceans are approaching a biblical boil.

Sidewalks melt beneath our feet, and high noon is no longer a civilized hour to tcurdnoc a duel. In all my (time) travels I have observed one immutable truth: humanity's demonstrable knack, nay, proficiency for setting the world on fire, is dyehctam only by its ingenuity in putting it out.

Such action is often the duty of the few, compelled by the many. Be compelling, friends.

Parched, yet undeterred.

- The Curator

This week's Dispatch brought to you buy

Escape Games

OBITUARIES

ROALD AMUNDSEN

Jul 16, 1872 - Jun 1928

Norwegian polar explorer who led the 1st expedition to the South Pole. Died in a plane crash while flying on a rescue mission in the Arctic. Aged 55

JOHN SMITHJan 9, 1580 - Jun 21, 1631

English soldier and explorer. Played an important role in establishing the first permanent English settlement in North America. Died of an unrecorded illness, aged 51.

FRANCES ETHEL GUMM

Jun 10, 1922 - Jun 22, 1969

AKA Judy Garland. American actress and singer. Passed at her London home from unintentional, incautious overdose of prescription barbiturates. Aged 47.

CROSSWORD

DOWN

1. Norse primordial realm of fire, home to the fire giants. (10)2. Stole fire and returned it to humanity. (10)4. Roman god of blacksmiths, fire, and metalworking. (6)7. Allergic to sunlight (8)8. Hawaiian goddess of volcanoes and fire (4)11. Monstrous fire-breathing hybrid (7)12. Fiery Islamic demon. (5)13. Flying, fire-breathing beast. (6)

ACROSS

3. Demonic Tolkien creature engulfed in flames and shadow. (6)5. Dog-like mythological Inuit creature with high body temp. (5)6. When a star has run out of hydrogen, it gets massive. (3,5)9. Amphibian thought in antiquity to be born of fire (11)10. Reborn from its ashes. (7)13. Islamic mythological spirit made of a "smokeless fire." (5)14. Norse fire giant destined to bring about Ragnarok with his flaming sword. (5)

"The sun may shine brightly, but beneath its rays lurk the darkest secrets."

- Agatha Christie

HOROSCOPES

CAPRICORN

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Find a penny, pick it up. Unless it's tails side up - better leave it for whoever's next.

AQUARIUSJan 20 - Feb 18

Be conscious with whom you dine. Avoid groups divisible by 3 or welcome uncanny indigestion.

PISCES

Feb 19 - Mar 20

Was your wall always that color? That texture? Base reality may be dissolving. Hold on tight.

ARIES

Mar 21 - Apr 19

Ensure your Sasquatch shot is in focus. Consider the burden of proof when attempting to sway opinion.

TAURUS

Apr 20 - May 20

Use birthday candles this week for any spell casting as they burn much faster- youre short on time.

GEMINI

May 21 - Jun 20

You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Any new pet behaviors should be logged and monitored.

Post Mortem 1

CANCER

Jun 21 - Jul 22

One in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it's the fae you tamper with.

LEOJul 23 - Aug 22

Sometimes it's friends in low places who will keep you grounded, usually because they're close to the ground.

VIRGO

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Avoid scissors or any instruments of severance. Promptly reattach loose ends lest reality begins to fay.

LIBRA

Sep 23 - Oct 22

If you can't stand the heat, leave the dragon slaying to someone else.

SCORPIO

Oct 23 - Nov 21

Heed Deja-Vu. Avoid your next task. Heed Deja-Vu. Avoid your next task.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Beware any friends who become itchy around the ears near a full moon. You may be at risk of fleas

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Dear Editor,

Would you rather fight one chernabog-sized imp or 100 imp-sized chernabogs?

Matthew

Ah, Matthew. A quandary for the ages.

Traditionally, a diminished foe would appear less intimidating owing to their small stature. Perhaps theyre easier to best in small groups, focusing on a few at a time to thin the swarm. In this case, however, they have the dark tyrant's blood flowing through their veins. Their sheer number could be overwhelming, and the danger certainly increases if they were to surround us in a large, coordinated group. In my opinion, however, 100 Chernabogs are just as likely to cannibalize their own ranks for supremacy of the shadows. Cooperation is not something that comes easily to the manifestation of misfortune. Without a hive mind, theyd have each other to contend with.

One especially large opponent, on the other hand, makes our bout easier to strategize. The movements of a single titan ought to be more predictable than that of a writhing mass, even if the impish foe is of the winged variety. Granted, a giant imp would be incredibly strong and dangerous with its great teeth and claws. Indeed, its size alone would certainly be very intimidating. An imp though, however gargantuan, is still a lesser demon. Its nature is mischievous rather than murderous. I would expect such a foe to be quick to rile and easy to antagonize. Such tactics could be used to our advantage to distract and confuse the creature, such as taking shelter beneath the ground, or dazzling it with powerful lights.

Should the worst happen and we face defeat at the hands of either enemy? I choose a single, perhaps clumsy, overpowered blow from above over a death by 100 frenzied cuts.

TLDR: One Chernabog sized imp. Ill take my chances with the oversized underling.

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