WHY AM I SO TIRED!?

I have just been inexplicably exhausted lately. So inexplicably exhausted that I even wondered for a half second if I might be Janet Jackson pregnant.

What is happening!? I am sleeping a decent amount every night. I am napping for about 30 minutes during the afternoon. And I still feel inexplicably BONE TIRED.

What is going on?

The Internet and my family have suggested a few answers. . .

1. Its getting so freaking hot in Palm Springs and theres a reason you siesta in hot climates. Also Im probably dehydrated

2. The winds have been outrageous down here and so much dust and haze is all over the place silt and sediment left over from our tropical storm. Its getting in all of our lungs and noses and making allergies extreme and apparently the lesser known symptom of allergies is fatigue and exhaustion.

3. Despite the fact that I keep saying Im not working hard, its 11:41 pm and Im in bed and should be asleep but am writing this. Am I lying to myself? Am I not really ramping down? (OK Im going to finish this tomorrow. . .)

4. (Im back) Im not physically tired, Im EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED. My kids have been going through a lot and Ive been hugging them, wiping away tears, and just generally holding space for them. Ive had to be very patient with some HUGE emotions and thats very draining.

Heres what Im going to try:

• Working out more. More often than not, I do feel like it gives me more energy not less.

• Sleeping and napping more. Maybe Im fighting off a bug? Maybe its that thing where your body just starts to shut down when it knows it finally can, like getting a cold on the first day of vacation. Maybe Im like a bear and I need a few months of hibernation.

• Meditation? They say that good meditation is even more restorative than sleep. (Do they? Did I make that up?)

• Not saying yes to every social event. While I get very charged as an extrovert being around other people, I get overcharged and that tends to leave me a husk.

I have another thought too. . . Friends know Im obsessed with Adam Grants most underrated book Give and Take. He brilliantly describes the cause of Giver Burnout, backing it up with research.

The TL;DR is this: Takers dont mind doing a lot of work, without getting results. For instance, takers make great call center workers and cold callers. Because as long as they are putting in the hours, they are happy to get paid despite a lot of hang ups and nos.

But givers put out so much energy and intention into their work, that not seeing results can burn them out. Its not the hours worked, he argues: Its the lack of results.

I think this applies to me on a few levels right now.

• Cleaning my house feels thankless and unending. I turn around and theres another pile of unfolded laundry. No one has ever produced as much laundry as my home.

• I feel like nothing I do for my kids is ever enough. I am expending SO MUCH emotional energy and they are still frustrated and upset. When Evie was at Astrocamp for a few days, it was the first time one kid felt easier than two. Because while Eli didnt have a playmate around to entertain her, I DIDNT HAVE TO BE THE PEACEMAKER FOR ABOUT 72 HOURS.

• I was planning an event for my consulting client, JAR Farms, a by-teens, for teens wellness retreat and we werent hitting some frankly unrealistic goals on attendance and engagement. As the marketing person, I was frustrated that I wasnt getting the support I felt like I needed, but I was also frustrated I wasnt seeing the results I wanted. I am so hard on myself; I blame myself for not pulling off the impossible, because I have a lot of times. I think I was experiencing some giver burn out.

So how to combat that kind of exhaustion? Here are some ideas I have, but Id love to hear yours!

• I need to put parameters on cleaning. I feel like when I slot things into a routine it helps me. Especially if its something that will just eat up endless time if I let it. Maybe a set hour I do housework everyday and STOP AFTER AN HOUR. When I really devote an hour to something, Im always amazed at how much I can get done. If something sucks, contain it and deal with it in manageable doses.

• Part of this with kids is just what it is at this stage. But I think drawing more boundaries on myself on the things that REALLY DONT MATTER. For instance, I had offered to pick Evie up at Astrocamp and then we could go to her favorite art store in Idyllwild too. But I was overloaded with work, didnt feel like I had the time or energy to drive up the mountain to Idyllwild. I felt like it would take enormous effort and the odds were, when I got there she would actually just as well like to take the bus back with her friends. I didnt go, and she indeed loved traveling back with her friends. I am trying to distill when something feels important for me to do for them versus, actually important to them.

• With projects like JAR and other clients, reinventing what my role should be. I had this with another client too. I cant afford to lose clients, but if Im in a position where Im not set up for success, Im going to lose them anyway. I never want to be a consultant taking a check and NOT delivering. Because I have been on the other end of that as a CEO. And while you may get a sweet ride without a lot of work for a few months, it doesnt end well. Keeping a great client, and tweaking your role so that you are adding a ton of value, is ALWAYS easier than coasting, losing a gig, then having to fill it with another one.

I would love to hear about any weird unexplained fatigue you are having, if these suggestions helped or not, and if you found your own solutions, what they were.

(Also: Is this just early menopause?)

Just dont tell me the answer is to stop drinking wine, because I know its not great, and I hate the WINE MOM! trope, but with everything else Im dealing with right now, I gotta have one indulgence at the end of a hard day. . .