One of my consulting clients is this non-profit called JAR Farms. Its a by-teens/for-teens wellness and retreat center, run out of some kids gorgeous nine-acre Marin County family property.

This is definitely my client with the biggest ups and downs. But its also one of my favorites. Its a corner of my life where I literally have Gen Z bosses at a time when most people my age and stage are reading and writing think pieces on the struggle of hiring and managing Gen Z.

We recently held our first event, (which some of you attended!) a community dinner featuring Chelsey Goodan, whose bestselling book Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls is ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS IVE READ.

Unlike so many books about the horrors of teen girl life, this book is clear eyed on the struggles and challenges but offers so much hope.

Teenage girls are stepping into so much POWER but its messy. And thats why they get difficult. But as Chelsey explains in the book, there are ways to get on their side and help them grow and wield this power, not be the one in opposition to it.

The event was held at a beautiful pool house with banquet chairs and . . . pizza. It was perfectly highbrow and lowbrow. We welcomed some fifty guests with a playlist Eli had created called the Grrrrls mix. (Chelsey suggested Mumford & Sons and one of the teens said, I dont know much about oldies and she about DIED despite the fact that she works with teens everyday and should be used to the casual disses. . .)

When Chelsey walked in and saw the room, which was overlooking the Bay with views of Oakland in the background, she said THIS IS LIKE A WEDDING FOR MY BOOK! (Thats her above with some of her teen fan base.)

It was such an incredible evening, full of moms and dads and teens and tweens, and during the Q&A, Athena, one of the owners of JAR Farms also answered parents questions. The table full of teens was in my line of sight and their reactions, finger snaps, smug nods and so much else was just delicious to soak in. Chelsey was essentially a translator, telling their parents what they couldnt sometimes hear from their own kids.

So much of her work is just about non-judgmental listening. Its astounding the OPPRESSIVE BLANKET of judgment we all feel everyday, and how much more pronounced that is for teen girls.

It wouldnt be the hardest thing in the world to build a Chelsey bot. Because the answer to so many of the parents questions, whether about sex or limits on screen time or clothing was, Have you asked her about this?

And so often, it was clear, they had not.

The other thing Chelsey talks a lot about is being willing to admit fault, apologize and make amends to your teens. She argues that most teens she works with say their parents have never done this and I found that STUNNING. I spend a lot of time talking to my kids about what Ive done wrong in parenting. I dont believe in the very Southern version of kids talking back I was raised with. If Im upset with them, and Ive gotten the situation wrong, I want them to defend themselves.

I am the first to admit when I was wrong, and I regularly ask them for feedback on how I could be supporting them better.

This is another thing people say about girls and women: We say sorry too much. I say sorry all the time and I have no problem with it. I think the world would be better off with more sorrys not fewer.

These words go a long way with my tween wolves and with myself and with others: Im sorry. That really sucks.

You arent fixing. You arent flying into action. You arent pivoting to toxic positivity. This was my biggest take away from Chelsey.

People want to be seen. They want to be heard. They want their feelings to be validated.

You dont have to agree. You dont have to do what they say. That alone is enough.

Teens are ultimately people too.

This doesnt have to be rocket science.